Permission to Speak – Leadership Blog – Kelly Vandever Interviews Corey Kupfer on Building Authentic Relationships – Part 2

Permission to Speak

Leadership Video Blog & Podcast

Hosted by Leadership Communications Expert Kelly Vandever

Permission to Speak is the video blog and podcast that loiters at the intersections of leaders who want their people to speak up, technology that facilitates connections, and results that serve an organization’s higher purpose.

Our guest for this episode:  Corey Kupfer

About Corey Kupfer:

Corey Kupfer is an expert strategist, dealmaker and business consultant with more than 30 years of professional negotiating experience as a successful entrepreneur, and attorney. The founder and president of Authentic Enterprises, and the Authentic Business Academy, Corey is dedicated to inspiring authenticity in business through speaking, training and consulting on topics such as authentic negotiating, authentic deal-making, building authentic business relationships, and authentic conversations about difference.

In his book, Authentic Negotiating: Clarity, Detachment & Equilibrium – The Three Keys to True Negotiating Success & How to Achieve Them, Corey draws on decades of experience effectively negotiating business deals and disputes to reveal the real, internal work it takes to become a truly great negotiator.  For more information on Corey, you can go to where you can find out more about his programs and services and where you can take a free 10 question assessment that will let you know whether you are an authentic negotiator and how you might improve.

Topics Discussed:

– Continuations of the 5 Tenants of Building Authentic Relationships

– Tenant #3 – Show gratitude and appreciation

– Show gratitude is about life, not just building relationships

– Every night/morning, write down 5 things you’re grateful for (without repeating them)

– Our mental state shifts when you get in touch with gratitude

– Apply gratitude with your team, your employees, your partners, your vendors, other people in your life

– Everyone wants to be appreciated, it’s a fundamental human trait

– Build gratitude as a muscle, start with everyone, from phone calls with staff to the person checking you out at the grocery story

– If you practice gratitude during good times, it can really help you during the difficult times

– Tenant #4 – Mutual respect

– In a relationship, mutual respect means I need to respect you and I need to be able to respect myself in the relationship

– If you find yourself in a work relationship where you don’t respect yourself, look inside yourself first.  Do other people at work feel the same way?  If not, it may not be the workplace.  It may be you

– Maybe you have a lesson to learn on your life’s journey

– Another suggestion if you don’t respect yourself where you work, try to shift the culture before you leave

– Sometimes it’s not that the leaders don’t want to change the culture, they may not know how or have the time.

– Tenant #5 – Trust

– All the other tenants have an element of trust within them

– Corey recommends giving trust to the person who has breached our trust.  We’re all human.  We all make mistakes.

– If someone breaks your trust and you being willing to trust them again, the level of relationship can be so much higher.  Not talking about someone who breaks trust again and again.  But be willing to give a person another chance.

– CPR:  R stands for Results, the results they want to get out a negotiation or a relationship.  P stands for Purpose, why are you negotiation or why are you engaged in this relationship, what’s your objective.  C stands for Context, who do you need to be, what’s the context you need to hold to achieve that purpose.

– Can us CPR for relationships, for projects, in your life!

– You could do everything on your own, but why would you want to?

– Be willing to be vulnerable and ask for help!

– People don’t judge you negatively when you ask for help.  People like to help and appreciate you asking.

– If you find yourself not being willing to accept help, look internally.  Why is that?  Consider asking for the help.

Questions Answered:

How can I learn to give trust to someone who has breached my trust?

Should I trust someone who has broken my trust?

What should I do to build better business relationships?

How can I build better business relationships?

How can I be more authentic at work?

How can we connect better in the workplace?

What can I do as a leader to build better relationships?

What questions should I ask myself if I’m not happy at work?

What questions should I ask myself if I don’t like who I am at work?

Book Recommended:

Authentic Negotiating: Clarity, Detachment & Equilibrium – The Three Keys to True Negotiating Success & How to Achieve Them by Corey Kupfer

Kelly Vandever is a leadership and communications expert who helps leaders and organizations thrive in today’s attention-deficit, entertain-me-now, wait-while-I-post-that-on-Facebook world.   Connect with Kelly and discover how being professionally human can bring you better business results. 

Contact Kelly by phone at 770-597-1108, email her or tweet her @KellyVandever.

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